Y Sunday, January 16, 2005Y
4:11 AM
suddenly felt so lost..dunno where to go or what to do... watched a tv show and well it leads me to think a lot of the past and to dwell on them... its a feeling that i dun like... cos it only meant that i am indulging myself in self-pity and a sadness that should be gone long long ago...
gosh i miss him... i miss my dear... someone who no longer loves me... who no longer wants me to be part and parcel of his growing-up life... haiz.. i thought of a lot of things.... how we made sandwiches and have a nice stroll along the beach.. how we are lost and how he called his aunt for help..how we threw stones into the sea and how he teased me...he used to say.. that if i cant outthrow him in term of distance, i would have to marry him... to be with him all my life... ha.. i rmm how i cheated... i would make him stand far far away from the sea and i would walked into the sea and yet i still lose... at that pt of time, i dun mind losing and he was so happy to win... that was months ago... look at how much one could change... look at how much one could change...haiz
i thought of how far we have came by...how we broke up..how i left with another guy... how he called me and how we cried before we patched...the promises he gave me on the night we patched...i never intended to make him fulfill the promises but it jus made me so happy that at that moment i meant so much to him... or is it jus a passing comment so that i would return to him? i dunno... haiz... all i know the element of time is healing my wounds real slowly... sometimes i feel i am okay sometimes i feel i am strong enough to endure...but sometimes i feel as if the hurt is too much and its too painful for me to endure... why am i hurting alone? and he is enjoying life with his frens? why? he is no longer hurting me... its jus my memories of us that are hurting me... the realisation that as we broke up, i lost a good listener, i lost my best fren, i lost my sense of security, i lost my dreams, i lost someone i love and who claims to love me...
