sometimes i feel that the factor that is causing me to walk in circles are my memories and not him anymore...maybe if i have no access to all the memories i would be happier, if one day i heng xia xin lai and ignore him, i would be better.. but should i? i really dont know.. will i regret my decision?? i also don't know.... today as i accompanied him to lavender to buy his stuff for his army, we bumped into a common friend.. well to be exact, it is his friend.. whom later i knew throught him... i felt kinda awkward though.. sometimes i wonder how people see us.. are they mocking at me that i am so stubborn, hanging onto something i should let go long ago, or are they amazed at this "friend/re-lationship" sometimes i wish so much that someone would make the decision for me.. its tiring to convince myself that whatever i am doing now doesnt affect the future.. its is so tiring to trouble my friends to tell them about my thoughts le.. cos they have been listening to me for the past 1.5 years... enough is enough...

doesnt he really care or am i jus a substitution? different people have different views.. different people advise me in different ways.. i am so torn among all the differences in views and advices.. yet i am still stuck at a crossroad... each time i wanna let go, either he came back again or i find some ways to convince myself tat will be the end period i would be by his side..haha.. a drag leads to another... though i am happy with him in one way or another now, there are still a lot of questions that i really really wanna ask him yet lack of courage..